Intention ≠ Behaviour

MANUAL MODEL, central principle. Behaviour can be described; intention has to be asked about. Separating them lets a client stop defending a person's character in order to discuss their behaviour — and stops the practitioner announcing motives. Understanding an intention never makes a harmful behaviour acceptable.

• Motive is visible from behaviour
• One behaviour can only serve one intention
• Explaining an intention excuses an impact

Most conflict stories arrive with the other person's motive already decided. Naming the behaviour and holding the intention open is often the whole intervention.

Name the observable behaviour, list several possible intentions, then design a question that would actually find out.

• “What is your intention in doing that?”
• “What were you going for there?”
• “What else could somebody be going for when they do that?”
• “How could you find out, rather than decide?”

Practitioner judgement: challenge what is useful, not every pattern you can hear.

Use it before any reframe involving another person, and whenever a client's own behaviour has been labelled as a character flaw.

Client autonomy first — offer language the client can verify and decline.

• Offering “their intention was positive” as a fact
• Using intention talk to excuse harm
• Asking about intention in a tone that sounds like an accusation